Emotional Intelligence is based on realizing that what is OUTSIDE of us is not more important than developing an internal, loving relationship compass of navigation INSIDE of us. Yes, we DO want material wealth, however, we have to ask ourselves, at what cost.
If we start by valuing other relationships as precious, then we can start from a place of sovereignty, realizing, this beginning seed grows with first ourselves. If we do not carry a deep understanding of ourselves in how to handle our emotions and interactions with others, how can we find the courage to allow the problems and challenges we may face in relationships to others resolve in a way that preserves those relationships…and…our sanity. We need to, first, feel worthy of a great relationship to ourselves, extending it out to those that are close to us, then, perhaps, opening our heart more, to including a more expanded reach… to humanity in general as well as our planet. We cannot give healthy love from a dirty, volatile, evil empty cup. There must be balance. There must be boundaries. There must be rules for our dharma to be meaningful. Bullying to anyone is not emotional intelligence or building healthy relationships. It dirties the water… on the inside of each person who practices THAT black magic. And THAT is not desired. Even doing it to just one person with strong intentions to destroy them. It is a harsh truth, but IF we truly want emotional intelligence and healthy relationships for each other, it doesn’t come with a gun or humiliation.
Road maps to help strengthen my connection to myself have come from various endeavors along my life’s journey. When the golden rule does not work anymore and others have a darker agenda towards us, what and how do we protect ourselves as well as have relationships that respect, nurture, and give us pleasure to enjoy?
Each person is so unique, so, to answer this question, I am listing systems that have helped me to build, nurture, let go of, and deepen bonds, while creating a loving flow of good works.
I have learned to let go of many people, I have reunited with those I have let go of, and I have sustained relationships over decades. The emotional intelligence aspect is the willingness to discover, know your weaknesses, and to have the courage over fear to do the work to repair what was, or is, broken. If others do not wish to do that with you, at least you can do this with yourself as to, eventually, attract relationships that do respect you and your feelings. Those healthy relationships will then, protect your being on its path. And it’s not just about becoming a white tiger. There is heart and soul that come into play. A wellspring of love that flows to do the right thing. This is the core of planet Earth including America.
Developing a stronger relationship with Yourself:
1.) Chakra System In-Depth: Read the book Eastern Body, Western Mind. It is a gem of learning how our body, mind, and spirit develop through the ages. Learning how to govern your energy within’ your body physiologically and psychology with knowledge of the chakras is a total game changer of health in all ways. The aspects of ourselves are revealed. This can inform our intuition, our instinct depending on the situation. When we know this information, it can help to us to make more intelligent choices.
2.) Niyamas: The Niyamas are the 2nd limb from the Eight Limbs of Yoga. They are observances on how to govern ourselves towards virtue towards ourselves. Practicing them tends to bring more positive flow and overall feeling of love.
3.) Heart and Soul Method. Exercise In General: Movement meditation builds strength and flexibility while following the thread of the breath. A great book by psychologist Elaine Fox, Ph.D called Switch Craft talks about how mental agility can create better mental health. Exercise multi-tasking, switching from one movement to the next at various speeds as the mind focuses on one thing than another in curiosity, is what we do in dance movement. So finding the thread of ujjayi breath in hatha vinyasa, than mental agility flowing through the body at a faster pace with dance movement allows the wisdom of the body in different postures reveal new things… getting curious about that. This is active relaxation. The book Switch Craft goes into detail about how both physiology and psychology intertwine in dealing with life situations. Exercise in general opens channels, releases stress, and allows the rest and digest parasympathetic nervous system to regulate. Endorphins, which are peptides that activate opiate receptors give us that feel good feeling boosting mood and cognitive function. Heart and Soul Method brings all these aspects to the mat as a hybrid method based on classical forms of exercise that have been proven over centuries to work. I’ve added my nuances to it for a little something more.
4.) Creative Expression: I went about 4 months without doing any movement embodiment work to music and wanted to bury my head in the sand. Literally. The stress that crept in was a 10. Creative expression helps us get all of the negativity out. It gets us out of our heads creating a more positive function and flow. It’s true of exercise, it’s even more true of taking your authentic expression of energy and channeling it through a dance, singing a song, or through acting on stage. Until you’ve done it consistently for 6 months to see the changes, sometimes it’s hard to understand this concept. Your heart awakens, negativity leaves, and compassion flows. Journaling, meditation, poetry, and writing are a step, but motion, body involvement, embodiment movement working our whole being is something different. It’s adding another dimension. You have to do the work, the practice, to really feel it… to really know it. It’s not only cathartic, but also purifies the heart in a different way.
5.) Eight Limbs of Yoga: The Eight Limbs of yoga is what really taught me what deep embodiment is feels like. This ancient knowledge and practice are the foundations of yoga. Yoga within’ and of itself is a healthy practice. It’s The Who’s better mentality of some of the elite that can be soul splitting. But, really, there are those types of characters in all industries, within’ life in general. The eight limbs gives us a deeper embodied insight into how to navigate life’s waters. The Yoga Sutras by Patanjali layout the Eight Limbs in depth.
Developing a stronger relationship with Others:
1.) Team Sports, Events, Creative Groups: My fondest memories growing up, where I made the closest friends, was through doing group activities. Soccer, softball, dance, musical theater, yoga. Other options are learning how to play an instrument in a group, bowling league, knitting circles. All these places are wonderful ways to learn to work together as a team. Learn how to problem solve together or make a creative piece the best vision it is meant to be. If addiction is a struggle, 12 step programs are a great first start.
2.) Talk Therapy and Relationship Therapy: My ex-fiancé and I struggled with our relationship four years before we broke-up. We went to relationship therapy which greatly helped us. Ultimately we ended the relationship after trying everything we could because well, we just were not meant to be. Looking back now, I see why it was better for us not to be married. However, him and I have worked through our resentments by talking things out, to have the sweet privilege to stay close friends. He has helped me through some of the hardest times in my life. Because we both learned to listen to each other’s heart and talk about our deepest feelings, a great friendship has been saved. I know he will always be there for me and visa versa. This is the power of therapy. And of course for ourselves to help work through all forms of trauma.
3.) Yamas: They are observances on how to govern ourselves towards virtue to someone else. They are the 1st limb of yoga.
4.) Having a strong savings account: If our root chakra, which is in accordance to money, career, family, and tribe or group, and home life is weak, than we will not feel safe, seen, soothed, or secure. Our emotions and relationships, which are governed by other chakras above the root chakra, will not have a strong foundation to build on. Like a house, a good foundation must be set first. A strong savings account will just make every thing easier in body, mind, and spirit. Not for everyone, but most people who appreciate the value of that money and are generous human beings.
5.) Navigating the internal mind/body connection with at least one other being: As we quiet our minds, we can hear our higher self and the whispers of our guides. We all have other energies with us, other souls with us. You want at least one really badass ride or die angel or enlightened soul with you to help protect you. Perhaps groups. Perhaps even beyond that. Having friends from different dimensions who see you as a sovereign being will ensure a flow of spiritual energy, then, it is up to you to learn how to navigate those waters on your life’s journey. This is why having tools and strategies in body, mind, and spirit or body, breath, music, and movement are essential. Majority of us need this awareness. There are some that slip by, but, this is good for most people. Learn how to navigate mind/heart wisdom with at least one other person. These are gurus or leaders of sorts there to help wipe the darkness of trauma from our heart and soul. With consent.