As I look around the room in the advanced yoga class, all of the practitioners are in headstand. My breath shortens, perspiration beads begin to form on my forehead, I wipe the sweat off of my brow. Quietly I am intimidated. I say to myself, I just can’t do this. Anchoring down into my gumption, I muster up the courage, taking one step at a time towards getting my hips over my shoulders… “if only I could get my hips over my shoulders then I would be like them. I can participate in headstand like them… and be cool, like them.”
I finally manage to get my hips over my shoulders, trying to levetate up, by pulling my belly up and in. I squeeze my core like the teacher said, I’m pressing down on my forearms to get leverage. Trying, ugh trying, oh god… yet, not succeeding in moving into headstand. Sadly, feeling defeated once again, I rest back into childpose.
My whole life, since I was five years old, has been spent trying. It started at a young age in dance classes, then in musical theater, plays, yoga, and the hardest for me, singing. Hours failing again and again. With all of the trying and failing over the years, little successes, hear and there, added up. FINALLY my TRYING alchemy transformed over the years into BEING, BECOMING, and then TEACHING. What I tried and failed at for so many years eventually grew the fruit to harvest for today.
I realized, the practice was the trying and the trying was the practice. Hours upon hours perfecting technique, studying lines, and making a fool of myself more times than I can count. The trying gave me the resilience and the strength to step forward into a new version of myself in which moved the needle a bit closer to what I wanted to accomplish. Every hour, every day, every crying session, every meditation, every visualization of my rich life, every prayer. It all stacked up to help me to step into my true passions.
Often times in this day and age we can get so bogged down by other people telling us we can’t do something or we don’t have permission or we are not fast or smart enough. Or this powerful force has me bound. In gods eyes, the benevolent force beyond all things, knows our true potential. THIS god can move mountains even in our weakest moments. It’s just a matter of letting go enough to let him/her, whatever gender you prefer, work their magic. It really does come down to preparation, practice, and presentation in the end, so that when the right opportunity comes along, we are prepared to step into that vibration.
There are times when we do need to listen to the messages and stop trying. Perhaps the inner alchemy hasn’t matured and the trying will do more damage than good.
Perhaps we need to look at our goals from another perspective. Like in headstand or child’s pose. Taking the posture helps us to understand the psychology behind the physiology and visa versa. Whatever the case may be, the cocooned period of not trying, surrendering to not practicing that dance, that instrument, not running, just doing the art of nothing, can slingshot us into the future with which we desire in a new way.
I eventually was able to get into headstand over years of practice day in and day out. I made it to the advanced class being cool like all the prestige advanced practitioners… and we looked amazing, physically AND spiritually.
But, what I guess I want all of us to know is that it’s not about “nailing it”. We must find “the space between” child’s pose and headstand. The art of trying is the journey of fortitude, of resilience, of crying when it’s hard, being okay with looking foolish, or dumb, or not the most popular person in the room. Of course safety, and love, and blessings are wanted, but it’s okay to roll out your mat, do your best to flow through class, and be okay looking a little foolish, in the dance movement, in the asana, in the working through our feelings in each posture with the breath. It’s okay to be the slower one because there may be a huge purpose and/or pay off in the end. We will reap the fruits of the harvest regardless as long as we try.
Each class counts, the trying, the practicing, even if you don’t nail it. Even if it’s not in this life… you will never regret the trying. Have fun in the process.